So I went to GLO3 on Saturday night, it was a rave.  And I have to say that it was my first official Rave.  It was in a warehouse and there were SO MANY people...and I stood in line for almost an hour and a half, waiting to get in.  It was nuts.  Oh yeah...I was rolling too.

I don't know if I should be writing this in a blog that people from my work can get to...but whatever.  I'll start a new one later.  But yeah, I rolled and I loved it.  My roll kicked in at the beginning of DJ Venom's happy hardcore set...It was freaking amazing. The feeling of the music was just incredible.  I can't stop listening to HXC (Happy Hardcore). My roll lasted till I went to bed last night.   So yeah...it was nuts.  I really don't know what else to say.

Time to go make a new blog :-)

Tomorrow everything changes.  Tomorrow I begin to walk on a path that I have been trying to walk upon for years now.  Tomorrow I begin to reach out and become the person that I have been destined to be. Tomorrow...I begin school.

I really don't know what else to say except that I'm scared out of my mind.  I'm 25 years old and FINALLY taking classes.  I'm a 25 year old freshman.  With that said, I can do anything.  I wonder if I have what it takes to get over the other things that I have done.  My vices that I have right now, can I get out of them?  I hope so.  I purchased a new bible a couple of weeks ago, one of my goals is to actually read it.  I am also going to enlist in a debt help program, I have to make my first payment on Friday.  Another one of my goals is to complete this program.  If I do, I will have knocked out a LARGE portion of my debt by next June (2009).

Toodles...

Yeah, isn't that great?  A real date....kinda.  Ok so she won't let me take her out to dinner but we are going to a movie.  Not sure what movie yet but yeah.  Her name is Sarah Delgado and she actually has known me for a few years now.  We haven't really hung out at all but we have talked online a heck of a lot.  She is a great Christian girl who has pretty much accepted me for my crappy flaws that I have.  She's amazing, beautiful and just a great girl in general.  The crazy thing is....this is her first date ever.   WOW eh?   Shes 21 and never dated...holy crap. 

Why me?  thats what I want to know.  Why am I the lucky guy who gets to take her out on her first date?

She's nuts, thats all i have to say

Life has been pretty crazy as of late.  I have been going to parties and dancing the night away.  I love it.  I have never been this happy in my entire life.  Yeah given all I do is drink at them but thats ok.  I've met so many new friends and I just love it.  I really could care less if I never go to a concert ever again because I have raves now and they are so much more fun.  I go with my homegirl Carrie and she and I have a blasty blast together. 

Frostbite 2 was amazing.  The music was incredible, the atmosphere was a blast.  I can't wait till the next one.  I almost kissed Carrie though, that would have been awkward....

I need a girl to take to them....

So yesterday I asked God to help me restart.  And I've failed already at changing the person I am to become the person I want to be.  At church we talked about the history of the bible and how it is real and that we can depend on it.  At first I thought that it was going to be a service that I wasn't going to get anything out of, but then something happened...Shawn said something about the fact that it is real and that we should be able to have faith in the book called the Bible and then I teared up yet again.  I don't think I have ever gone to a service there and not cried a little bit.  Its such an amazing church.  I gave up some of my money in the offering and I also grabbed in ornament off a xmas tree with a childs name and a gift that the child would like.  I got Rayona and she wanted the new Chris Brown CD.   So I went and picked that up and also went out and did some xmas shopping for other people.   I got Carrie...amazing, sweet, perfect, Carrie, a cross necklace.  I don't know why I like that girl so much, but I do.  She is just so...friendly and the perfect friend.  I want her in my life for a LONG time. 

But I don't know, I need to talk to Ray, the dad of the family that I am staying with, and ask for him to help me out with my debt.  I need to get that taken care of and starting to get paid off.  I should go to that website that my boss told me about and get that set up.  Thats free...  Wednesday I'm going to give them a call and get that set up.

Tonight I am going out to dinner with Sarah.  Should be interesting.

I miss my sister, I haven't seen her since we went to New Found Glory at the beginning of November.  Its been over a month.  She is highly disappointed in me because of the shit that I was doing.  But hey, I don't blame her.  I hate myself too.  But I love smoking, it calms me down and its something I need right now.  Ok so maybe I don't need it but I'm not going to be stopping anytime soon.  Its making things easy and that is alright for me. 

I hate being alone...I haven't felt this alone in so long.  I don't understand how people can just randomly go out there and hook up with people and yet here I am...lame... Everyone tells me that "oh just wait, be patient, yada yada yada" Fuck that shit.  I just want a friend I can go to shows and raves with.  Is it that difficult to find that?  I'm a nice guy arn't I?  Why wouldn't someone want a friend like me for that?  Oh well...not much I can do something about it.  I'm to damn shy. 

Well time to go back to work. 

God, I thank you for my friends that I do have.  Especially Carrie...she has been like an angel to me Lord and I pray for the strength to not screw up this friendship that we do have. I thank you for the strength that you have given me to be able to get gifts for others this xmas.  Its been way to long.  I just ask that you be with my friends and I and help us get through this lonely time.  I love you God.

Peace out everyone.

Who am I and what have I done?

Why am I at the place I am today?

I don't even know who I am or what I've become

But I think that its time to move on

Will you let me in? Can you please take me?

I'm done and tired of where I'm at and your the only one that can save me

Will you bring me home?  Can you please set me free?

I'm tired of being alone

The things that I have done I never thought i would have

The person that I have become is not who I am

I'm just sitting here hanging on

I'm caught up in the things that I don't need

Will you let me in? Can you please take me from here?

I'm done and sick of it all and your the only one I can see

Will you bring me home? Can I please be set free?

I'm stepping forward and I'm tired of being alone

This is the time, the time for me to come home

I'm about ready to leave

I'm not sure where life is taking me right now.  I'm experiencing things that I never thought I would let myself slide into.  My faith in Christians is pretty much gone.  I hate Christians.  They do not live the life that God would be proud of.  The church has pretty much turned its back on me and if they knew of the stuff that I have done or am going to do in the near future...well lets just say they wouldn't let me back in.  But even so, here I am listening to worship music...I don't know why.  I watched a interview with Brian Welch today on the 700 club.   He was the guitarist for Korn but left because he found God.  Little did I know that he found God with the help of snorting speed at the same time.

I'm just so sick of where I am right now.  I want out.  I want to be in a place where I can actually fall asleep with a smile on my face and wake up well rested because I am comfortable with who I am and where I am.

I don't know where to begin.  Things have changed so much recently.  Every single one of my old friends is gone.  I'm moving out of the Paytons and moving in with a girl that I haven't even known for a week yet.  I'm living with her!  Holy crap.  She is such an amazing girl, letting me live there for free so I can get my debt together and then as of Jan 1st, her and I will be moving into our own place.   And then, as of Jan 1st I will not be going to concerts anymore.

Its crazy...  I just can't wait to be happy...